After having some pretty intense days of stress and outright panic, I was happy to be able to go see my boy in a sonogram and see him forming into a beautiful baby. As Diran and I excitedly watch the screen to get a sneak peek at Noah's face, we find that he is not cooperating. He chose to keep both his arms right in front of his face and would not budge! After 15 minutes and a lot of effort on the part of the technician, she decided to give me some juice to see if that would get him to move around a little bit and unveil his face.
After drinking a juice box of apple juice, jumping around the room and twisting and turning, baby Noah chose to keep his face hidden by bring down the umbilical cord and snuggling face first in the placenta. Watching my little man sleep doesn't seem nearly as exciting as seeing his beautiful face but for some reason that was enough. It is enough for me to know that he is doing ok and has made a nice little nest for himself inside my belly. As his little body is working hard to make sure each intricate piece is properly placed and working, I am so grateful to get a peek.
Instead of obsessing when I haven't noticed kicking, or wondering how he is doing, I need to learn to trust the process. I need to trust my body and most of all I need to have faith in God. He designed my body to be able to create life and sustain it, I can't let me "human-ness" get in the way. Although I can't always make the feelings or worries subside, and I count down to each appointment or glimpse in to the womb, I can definitely begin to find other ways to ease my worries and relax my mind because ultimately that is probably not helping him in any way.
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